Once again, I feel like I could have written a chapter in this book. Anyone else feeling this way?
As a boymom, the noise, the movement, the grossness of it all is never ending. Although I like my makeup and an occasional nice pair of shoes, I’m not really a girly girl. I can put a worm on hook and burp with the best of men. However, sometimes, I just need a moment. You know, a moment of quiet. A moment to hear myself think. Just a moment.
Sometimes, I take a little longer in the bathroom. Sometimes, I sneak off to my room to watch what I want to watch. Sometimes, I go to the front living room to my couch, yes, I actually have my own couch, and read or write. Other times, I yell, “Guys! I have had enough! You! Go to your room. You! Go to your room. And You, go in there.” I think separating them will take care of things, but then I hear, “MAMA!” And again, I yell, “What??? What do you want????”
And I don’t mean to be that way. I love my children. They are my biggest blessings.
And then when I want JUST FIVE MINUTES TO MYSELF, I feel guilty. I feel guilty for yelling, and I feel guilty for wanting just five minutes.
I think the thing here is balance. As moms, we need time to be refreshed and renewed, but we must also approach the demands of family life with a servant’s heart. One of my favorite quotes from this chapter is this….
“We partner with Jesus to remain calm in the chaos, viewing all the raucous as a joyful noise.”
And isn’t a joyful noise? The shrills of laughter. The pitter patter of little feet. The pow pow and bang bang of cops and robbers. Bouncing balls and singing. A joyful noise because it comes from God’s most precious gifts.
However, the noise isn’t always the trigger to our anger. It may be the constant neediness, the constant in your face.
A couple of years ago, my husband and I could not even give each other a hug or kiss in front of our youngest. He would immediately stop what he was doing and get right between us. Now, I hear, “MAMA!” from son up until son down. There is also the two children that still love to have their mama lay down with them every.single.night. Let’s not forget the middle child who still awakens at least once each night and wanders to my bed. Should I mention the 100 or so students I teach each day? Basically some one needs me all day long and even during the night.
Sometimes a girl needs to be completely alone.
Sometimes a girl needs adult conversation.
Sometimes a girl just doesn’t want to tie a shoe or wipe a butt.
Sometimes a girl just wants to let everyone fend for themselves while she sits in a lawn chair with a cup of coffee and a book.
When our children need us and want us, but all we desire is to pretend we aren’t there, we need to remember to serve them with a grateful heart. God gave us these little people. Ultimately, they are His and He can take them back anytime He chooses. As a mama who has experienced a miscarriage, this is a hard lesson to learn. No matter the chaos, no matter the noise, no matter the number of times my boys yell my name for something trivial, my heart yearns for that baby I lost. Yes, I know there would be more noise. Yes, I know there would be more mess. Yes, I know there would be more sibling fights. Yes, I know there would be more minutes I am surrounded by children. But there would also be more memories, more love, more life. And knowing that my family is missing out on that “more” is humbling.
So this mama, usually gets out of the restroom quickly.
This mama still gets that drink of water.
This mama still plays that 1ooth game of Uno.
This mama still lays down with her kids every night.
This mama still lets the middle boy sleep in the middle.
This mama tries to cherish the chaos when there is no personal space.
As the chapter came to a close, and I answered the discussion questions, I was able to reflect on the scripture from the chapter. Mark 10:25 says, “For even the son of man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” This reminds me to have a servant’s heart, a Christ-like heart. Whether my children want yet another drink of water, or they are too hot and need a t-shirt instead of regular pajamas, I will gladly help them change clothes. When they are begging for one more game of Rummy or Uno, I will gladly play again. When I’m exhausted and my bed is calling my name, I will gladly snuggle close to them. I will serve my family with a Christ-like heart.
The other bit of scripture that touched me was 1 Corinthians 6:19-20: “Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.” As a Christian, my body belongs to God. He dwells within me. If I don’t exercise, I am not taking care of His temple. If I don’t eat healthy, I am not taking care of His temple. If I spew angry, harsh words at those I love, I am not taking care of His temple; I only dishonor it. Every word that comes from my mouth should glorify God.
It seems like only yesterday my first son was born. Now, he is almost 15. All three of my babies are growing up fast, so I need to serve them, love them unconditionally, and let them be little.